Why do I keep changing my mind?
The other day I set up a haircut out here in Ellensburg. It’s a blessing to even be able to get a haircut these days after all of the Covid craziness. Of course when I get this haircut I have to wear a mask which I hate, it makes my face all sweaty and gross, but nonetheless at least I can get a haircut.
I set it up online without really thinking about it. I knew my hair was getting too long. I know a decent barber out here. I’ll get it cut.
I figured I might try something new, I’ve been really into barbering and men's haircuts recently that I figured I’d try a skin fade. I’ve never done one before and who knows? Maybe it’ll look really good on me.
After I set up the appointment I went throughout my normal day and while spending some quality time with my beautiful girlfriend I casually mentioned in conversation that I was going to get my hair cut on Monday… “I think I’m gonna do a skin fade this time.”
She looked back at me and squinted her eyes and said “Really?”
“Cause last week you told me that you didn’t really like all the fades and stuff and that you were gonna keep it a little longer and messy. It’s not a bad thing, you just change your mind a lot.”
You just change your mind a lot.
I’m not sure why but that line kind of struck a nerve with me. And she didn’t mean it like that, she wasn’t trying to be rude or anything at all, it just didn’t sit right.
But it shouldn’t have, it’s not a bad thing, change can be really good. I don’t know though, I guess I do change my mind a lot.
When I was young I wanted to go to the NBA, now I play basketball maybe 3 times a month.
I wanted to be a YouTuber and bought a ton of expensive gear at one point, now that gear collects dust in a box.
I wanted to ride BMX and saved up for a beautiful bike, now that bike is being ridden by some kid I sold it to on OfferUp.
I wanted to drop out of school and run a business full time, now I can’t wait to get back into classes and get my degree.
Why do I keep changing my mind?
It seems that over and over and over again in my life I get so fired up about a new journey, or a new task, or a new skill that I attack it with a full head of steam. I jump straight into the deep end using up all my energy and emptying my pockets and then… I change my mind. Again.
And again. And again. And again.
And as a result it almost feels like I have no true passion. Sometimes I feel like I am pretty decent at everything, but I’m not excellent at one thing. I know changing my mind and trying new things isn’t inherently bad, but sometimes it feels like I don’t know what my true calling is yet.
I watch YouTube video after YouTube video talking about finding purpose and I travel to schools to try and help kids find their purpose yet, do I even know my purpose?
All of a sudden I find myself contemplating the entirety of my life decisions all because I’m thinking about getting a fade haircut instead of a more traditional one. Ridiculous.
And I keep asking myself “why do I keep changing my mind?” Thinking it’s a bad thing.
Maybe the question I should be asking myself though is “why do I think it’s a bad thing to keep changing my mind?”
I mean what’s so wrong with change? Isn’t that the only way to grow? Isn’t that the only way to find out what you really love?
Change is not the problem, how I am perceiving change is what makes it an issue.
Why not try everything? And obviously there’s limits to this and I need to be intentional with my time and energy but still… why not try?
You will never find what you truly love and what you were created to do if you don’t even try.
Find something that interests you and do it.
Find something you think is cool and try it.
Find something you’ve always wanted to try and give it a shot.
No longer should I ask myself “why do I keep changing my mind?”
I want to start asking myself “why don’t I change my mind more?”
That’s where I believe true growth happens.