I Thought I Would Know More


It’s crazy how it seems that every you seem to know less and less. 


Or maybe that’s just me… 


When I was a senior in highschool, I thought that I had the world pretty figured out. I had a plan. I had a vision. And I sure as hell had a lot of motivation to go along with it.


I was going to go to school to become a teacher, teach for 4 years and then leave the school to create and run my own business. I dreamed of speaking all over the world because I believed that’s what I was created to do. And every single morning I woke up with no questions for this purpose.


Every single day I was striving to get there. I was always connecting. I was always networking. I thought I had the game kind of figured out.


And I thought I knew A LOT! 

 

I had content pouring from my mind constantly. I had quotes and ideas and books that I thought could one day be used to change the world. And now obviously I wasn’t too overboard with this, I didn’t see myself as the new Steve Jobs or anything, I just thought I kinda figured out life. 


Then I turned 20.


I dropped out of school chasing a business passion only to realize that I was more in love with the IDEA of being an “entrepreneur” than ACTUALLY being an entrepreneur.


I constantly find overdraft fees in my bank account as I struggle to pay the rent.


I over question and second guess every little piece of content I put out (Yes, even this blog). 


And to top it all off, I find myself constantly asking:

“What the heck am I supposed to do with my life?”


Such a crazy question because if you asked me when I was 18 in highschool, I would have proudly boasted about my glorious plans. I would have been able to tell you about all the amazing things I was going to do, how I was going to do them and when it would happen. 


And now 2 years later, I don’t even know if I even still like those plans and on top of that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING.


I guess I thought I would know more. 


So instead of attacking the day, I found myself sitting around playing 2k and eating chips all day. Wasting hour upon hour trying to find ways to distract myself from my own thoughts. But no matter what I was doing, I was always still thinking. 


My highschool self would have laughed at me now and offered some witty poetic advice to try and get me off my lazy butt. But doing nothing was actually the best thing I could do because it allowed me time to think until finally a question hit. A question that kind of changed my life.


“Who says you have to have it figured out in the first place?”


I was so frustrated and caught up in the fact that I didn’t have my life figured out that I never even considered why I have to have it figured out in the first place.


And I think part of the problem is our current education system. 


We’ve developed systems and programs to develop elaborate outlines for our futures, thinking we are helping a 16 year old kid by giving them a test that says they should become a plumber (great confidence boost).


And our curriculum is focused on definite answers, always wrong or right, pass or fail. 


And over time I think we unintentionally and subconsciously begin to believe that if we don’t have a perfect plan with perfect steps to get perfect results, well then we’re not going to succeed. 


And to be blunt with you, that’s bullshit. 


Newsflash: NO ONE HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT. 


And I would be careful around anyone who claims that they do. The reason I think we can’t know it all or have it figured out is because the world is always changing.  


Think about it, someone considered a “genius” in the 1900’s would not even know how to take a selfie on a phone today, let alone even know what a selfie is in the first place! We can’t ever have things figured out because things are always changing.


The beautiful thing about it is, so are you. 


I have to believe that authentic power and confidence does not come from plans and answers, it comes from growth and change. 


I might even suggest that the only way to succeed, or better yet, BE FULFILLED IN THIS LIFE is to get comfortable knowing very little. 


You don’t have to have your life figured out. 


You don’t have to have all the answers.


You don’t always have to know what to do. 


Get comfortable knowing very little and figure out the rest as you go. 


I have trashed all of my concrete plans. I quite literally took the pieces of paper with plans on them, ripped them in half, spit on them and threw them away. I was going to burn them too, but that felt a little excessive. 


And it’s not that planning out things in your life is inherently bad, in fact I would say it’s rather important. But I think the problem comes when we are so rooted in needing to know how our futures will play out when life is always changing.


I think the simpler way to live life is knowing a few things really well and then learning the rest as you go. 


All I know for sure, with 100% of my being, the only things I fully believe in and will always believe in is “love and simplicity.” 


I know that loving people matters and making life simple matters. 


After that, it’s just a whole lot of grey area. The crazy part is though, I don’t need to know anything after that. As long as my decisions and my energy is aimed towards love and simplicity, then I have faith that I will end up where I was supposed to be. 


I don’t have to be dragged down with the stress and anxiety of trying to figure everything out. I don’t have to worry about creating massive plans and to do lists. All that weight is lifted off of me. 


 I know what I know, I am learning what I don’t. Simple as that. 


So at the end of the day, I guess I thought I would know more. 


Now I am thankful that I don’t because everydays an adventure.


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